When I was a little girl, I used to imagine what life for me would be like when I grew up. And I think like most little girls, I used to dream about what it would be like to fall in love and marry that one person that you just absolutely cannot live without! Then the older I got I wondered if that dream would really come true and if there really was that one guy out there for me.
Well at age 25 little did I know that my soul mate would be a guy I happened to be pretty good friends with for awhile. Joey and I met on a church retreat back when I was 17 years old. Little did I know that when I met him, he would be the man of my dreams and the man I marry. I remember having a crush on him then and several other times during our friendship, but never acted on it. I was way to shy. But New Years Eve 2007 was the magical night that we became Joey and Melissa. It just happened, looking back I see now that things were building before that night, but just never wanted to admit it.
Now after being married to him for almost a year and half, looking back at that night still gives me butterflies. I wish I could bottle up that moment forever so that it never fades. That night to me was one of the most perfect nights I have ever had.
What brings this up is that today I got to see Joey for the first time since he has left for Iraq. They offer this video telephone conference to families to help them stay in touch when one is deployed. Well I took full advantage of it this morning. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. just a bundle of nerves just like I was when Joey and I first started dating.
Obviously, things are much different now, we are married but our marriage is not the typical marriage you imagine having when you are a little girl. In the entire three and half years we have been together, we have also been apart quite bit. We of course hate it, but the one positive that being apart brings is that we really end up appreciating each other and what we have. At times in our relationship I know I have taken things for granted. And it wasn't until we were apart for the first time for a good amount of time did I realize this. Now the saying, "you don't know what you have until it's gone," really hits home.
Well this morning, as I waited until it was time for me to leave to go to our meeting, I was just a bundle full of nerves. I was excited, nervous, insecure, and had a stomach full of butterflies at the thought of getting to see him. And when I first saw him he took my breath away and I just started to cry. I knew I missed him without having to see him, but seeing him just made me realize just how much I miss him. It was so great to see him and once my nerves calmed, we had a great 30 minutes. And just like that new years night I wanted to bottle up this moment too.
As I have finally started to adapt to Joey being gone, I have found a routine and so far it is working to help pass my days until he comes back home to me. But, as great as it was to see him, it was also very hard. Seeing him just made me miss him even more if that is possible. And as my morning went on, I could feel myself deflating. It was almost like I was back to ground zero again, trying to figure out how to go on without him here with me. And honestly, today I did not do a very good job of staying strong, today I hid. Until tonight I just got sick of myself and decided that I was not being fair to Duke. So as hard as it was, I got myself out of my P.J's put on some workout cloths and took Duke to this school by our house to play fetch in the huge field. It felt great because he was just so excited, which made me realize why I have to be strong because not only does Joey need me, but so does Duke. Everyday is a struggle and this is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I will keep on fighting. Because everyday that passes is one day closer to Joey returning home.
So back to being a little girl and dreaming of the man I would marry someday and the life we would live. I can honestly say I never imagined I would be living the life I am, but Joey is just the man I hoped and dreamed I would marry someday. Now this next month and half needs just just hurry on by so I can get the man of my dreams back home where he belongs!
Well at age 25 little did I know that my soul mate would be a guy I happened to be pretty good friends with for awhile. Joey and I met on a church retreat back when I was 17 years old. Little did I know that when I met him, he would be the man of my dreams and the man I marry. I remember having a crush on him then and several other times during our friendship, but never acted on it. I was way to shy. But New Years Eve 2007 was the magical night that we became Joey and Melissa. It just happened, looking back I see now that things were building before that night, but just never wanted to admit it.
Now after being married to him for almost a year and half, looking back at that night still gives me butterflies. I wish I could bottle up that moment forever so that it never fades. That night to me was one of the most perfect nights I have ever had.
What brings this up is that today I got to see Joey for the first time since he has left for Iraq. They offer this video telephone conference to families to help them stay in touch when one is deployed. Well I took full advantage of it this morning. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. just a bundle of nerves just like I was when Joey and I first started dating.
Obviously, things are much different now, we are married but our marriage is not the typical marriage you imagine having when you are a little girl. In the entire three and half years we have been together, we have also been apart quite bit. We of course hate it, but the one positive that being apart brings is that we really end up appreciating each other and what we have. At times in our relationship I know I have taken things for granted. And it wasn't until we were apart for the first time for a good amount of time did I realize this. Now the saying, "you don't know what you have until it's gone," really hits home.
Well this morning, as I waited until it was time for me to leave to go to our meeting, I was just a bundle full of nerves. I was excited, nervous, insecure, and had a stomach full of butterflies at the thought of getting to see him. And when I first saw him he took my breath away and I just started to cry. I knew I missed him without having to see him, but seeing him just made me realize just how much I miss him. It was so great to see him and once my nerves calmed, we had a great 30 minutes. And just like that new years night I wanted to bottle up this moment too.
As I have finally started to adapt to Joey being gone, I have found a routine and so far it is working to help pass my days until he comes back home to me. But, as great as it was to see him, it was also very hard. Seeing him just made me miss him even more if that is possible. And as my morning went on, I could feel myself deflating. It was almost like I was back to ground zero again, trying to figure out how to go on without him here with me. And honestly, today I did not do a very good job of staying strong, today I hid. Until tonight I just got sick of myself and decided that I was not being fair to Duke. So as hard as it was, I got myself out of my P.J's put on some workout cloths and took Duke to this school by our house to play fetch in the huge field. It felt great because he was just so excited, which made me realize why I have to be strong because not only does Joey need me, but so does Duke. Everyday is a struggle and this is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I will keep on fighting. Because everyday that passes is one day closer to Joey returning home.
So back to being a little girl and dreaming of the man I would marry someday and the life we would live. I can honestly say I never imagined I would be living the life I am, but Joey is just the man I hoped and dreamed I would marry someday. Now this next month and half needs just just hurry on by so I can get the man of my dreams back home where he belongs!
3 comments:
You go girl, YOU are very STRONG and it is ok to have those week moments as long as the stay only moments.
You prove that by realizing the you had to get up and get moving and as you know keeping busy does help the time pass. Wish we were closer that we could help you when you have these down days. WE LOVE YOU BOTH LOTS mom
You are an incredibly strong woman to not only survive this time apart from your love but you seem to be thriving! Thinking of you lots. The life of a military wife is one that leaves those of us who don't know what that life is like wondering....HOW DO You DO it!?
WOW, this is so beautiful, it made me cry. I agree with your mom, your are one STRONG girl and are dealing with Joey being gone so well. Keep your chin up and before you know it the love of your life will be back in your arms. Love you Mel...Auntie Trudy
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